you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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