she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
