Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
