i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
