Sponge bath it is.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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