I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
