dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Where is the hickey?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
