Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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