you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
