I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
