I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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