Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
