ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
