those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
