U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
