He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
