I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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