My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
