Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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