You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
