Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
