i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
