It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
