There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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