There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
