I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
