i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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