All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
