I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
