It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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