Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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