Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
