Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
