Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
