i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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