I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
