it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
