Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
