weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Randomize
