just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i've created a new STD.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
