i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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