He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
