You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
