just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
