And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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