Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
