did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
