I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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