On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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