just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
