woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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