I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
