Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
