And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
